Tisselles Titilator

Winter 977, Annals of Pandaria

Gazgar Empire annexes Kazlonia

In a surprise move that is bound to anger the Immortals in the Theocratic Empire of the Eternal Flame it is rumoured that Kazlonia has pledged an oath of loyalty to the Gazgar empire. It has been noticed by our reporters that Kazlonia has been paying tribute to the Petal throne and ignoring its tax payments to the Imperial throne, one wonders what the tax collectors will be saying at the next assessment, rumoured to be due shortly.

Proof of the double dealing by Kazlonia can be seen by the arrival of some Human Mamelukes, sworn to the Gazgar rulers who can only be seen by the rulers of the Theocratic Imperium as an attempt at secession by their previously loyal subject, whose rivalry with Kurland clearly knows no limits.

Sources close to Kazlonia have revealed that the Vampire, unwilling or unable to become a true immortal, is jealous of the success of Kurland against the independant nations and seeks a more powerful empire to be a puppet to.

Niga speaking to our reporter

Niga bares all

Niga, the wife of Nig, chieftain of the Hill Giants was interviewed by another one of our brave reporters who was able to bring us this report following his death and roasting (The head having been thrown out, it was rescued and interviewed, true to his calling he revealed what he had learnt).

"I was shocked at the intrusion into our house, it was disgusting that our guards fell asleep and it will not happen again. I have tasked the women to do this job and the men to change the diapers until they can be trusted with such an important task again. I went to check on baby Nigget at one point in the evening and I thought I smelt something, but I put it down to the ale we had been drinking, it was poorer quality than we are used to as the best barrells have to be put aside for the Tyrant."

Renegade Duke betrays Yeomen

The renegade Duke Vouglas of Istrar unwilling to accept the will of his people following his overthrow has sought to conquer the independant city of Golotha. The puppet of Kazlonia, allied as they are to the lawful Gazgarians seeks to bring law and order to the city. Alas in a asingle season he finds a quarter of his yeoman return home to Istrar to their peaceful farming existence under benevolent rulership. Another quarter fill the sodden pits with their bodies as swamp fever ravages his army as it camps outside the city. Even the knights grow restless and they are grateful that their horses have not succumbed to an equine strain of the disease.

The Dukes rallying cry of "Glory or Death", now has an unfortunate ring to it as his troops wade through stinking bog and desperatly try to find dry ground to camp on. It is rumoured that several of his knights have been heard croaking to each other in the deep of night

 

Temple of the Frog surfaces

The true enemy is revealed, Melderyn and Quendor mages have finally revealed the location of the hidden city. The Temple of the Frog has been rebuilt. So far little is known of this place, but it is expected that investigations will be carried out this year.

We hope to bring you news and pictures of the Temple in later issues and have despatched some brave reporters in order to bring you the latest news from that region.

We can reveal that Eclavdra, the drow priestess was due to surface last year at the behest of Grazikus, however she found pressing matters below as the Lolth demon worshipping drow had overextended themselves in an attempt to obtain the riches of Khuzan. Just shows you can't trust a drow.

The drow are now embroiled in a major civil war, that will only weaken the nation as a whole. Clearly this can only be good for the surface nations as the best way to deal with drow is to let them fight amongst themselves. If they dare show their black occursed head above ground they shall be harvested as ripe corn.

The following is our artists impression, note the frog worhispping at the shrine to the left, out of decency we have avoided showing the altar.

 

Kanday founds new Kingdom

The broken remnants of Kand have finally managed a victory and recovered some territory to build a new kingdom. The Grey Hilla are not the most obvious first choice for Kand to set up his new revived kingdom, but it was apparently the only one. Squeezed by the Zishian pirates and the blessed creatures from the Chaos Lands Kand was pushed from his heriditary home into the foothills. Taken advantage of Varmoks untimely death and the disruption that ensued Kand found a relatively unpopulated vale and claimed it for his own. New Kand as the soldiers have been calling it marks the beginning of a new and glorious chapter of the Kingdom.

Local Goblins were less impressed and have been muttering about the Eye Tyrant being less than impressed and wanting to exploit the rich mines that Kand appears to have found there.

 

OTHER NEWS IN BRIEF

Kaldor Launches recruitment drive

In this issue of the Melderyn, Kaldor has spent vast amounts on advertising for the recruitment of pure humans to fight the enemy. With the reforming of the Queen's cavalry complete the army can only now be expanded.

The Current issue of The Melderynian

Burgaine Swallowed by the Theocratic imperium

Another one of the little kingdoms oin the North West had been annexed by the Theocratic Imperium. When will the humans be able to stop this rot.

Apple harvest expected to be good this year

The blossoms on the apple trees in Istrar have been good this year, following last year devastating loss. One farmer is quoted. "After the kobolds took my apples last year, I prayed hard to the gods, and have been granted my wish".

Elf maiden seen with King

After many years away the elf Drahena has been seen once more by the side of the Elven King. His mood has visibly improved and he has stated that he was sure that the previous exile was a mistake. It is rumoured that she may soon be returning to Demons Vale however to lead her forces against the enemy.

I was abducted by aliens!

Our intrepid reporters have followed up rumours of a man who claimed he was kidnapped by aliens. Although like our esteemed readers we thought this would be yet another mad gnome suffering from a bout of insanity we have recenly uncovered that some of these stories my in fact be true.

It seems that the Gates that have recently been opened up to bring forces to the aid of the eye tyrant are actually time and space gates to other worlds. One of the heroines who wishes to remain anonymous who recently passed through the gate (her ego is big enough already) revealed that the group actually met an individual who claimed to have been kidnapped. Even more strangely this person was not of Pandaria and appeared to under gone some variation of a Magic Jar spell where the spirits of two individuals actually exchanged places, rather than the caster inhabiting the body of the the other.

It was in fact a Dwarf whose recollection of events was hazy other than she recalls having to dig holes in the ground with powerful foreclaws and not being able to see. Our reporter would have pointed out that this could be seen as natural behavious by some people but refrained from doing so due to the impressive array of weaponry the dwarfess was carrying at the time

Drow hold up dwarven advance

With the injury to their king earlier in the year and the sudden melting away of their traditional Goblin enemies the dwarves have had less success in the underdark.

Faced by a rearguard action by the drow outside Khuzan they have been thwarted at virtually every attempt to take an underground outpost that the drow set up prior to their assault on Khuzan.

With the neutral Kua Toa looking increasingly warlike, the dwarves are now concerned that they will not be able to recover any ground.

Clearly worried by the rumours of the revivication of Varmok they now find that they are looking to fight a war on two fronts.

The new power in the area, Kand is also seen as a potential threat though it is hoped that they will turn southwards and attack the Eye tribes dividing the hills in two separate regions, one ruled by dwarves, the other by humans. Nothing would please the dwarves more than to see the majority of the goblin lands purged.

Our reporters also believe that a motion to grant Kand aid to build its forces was considered but as no emissary was received from Kand to actually ask for any financial aid the dwarves naturally did not bother to discuss it within the inner council.

Events further south were discussed however as it is feared that if Demons Vale falls the dragons may seek a treasure hoard elsewhere and Khuzan might be under attack from Dragons once more.

Top ten attractions for Heros out to make a name

EYE OF STONES

Just the minor matter of the owner who might now want his place trashed for a second time. "Iiiiiiiiiii", The beholder was disgruntled after the last invasion of his privacy and untimely death of his pets, future visitors can expect no mercy, but the war chest of the Eye Tyrants forces is still believed to be held here.

LAIR OF THE HILL GIANT :

Nig is Mad, but with his Giants raiding Kanday perhaps now is the time to raid the steading and carry out the treasure. Is anyone at home?

TEMPLE OF THE FROG :

Return to the greatest triumph, find out whether the Frog God has been raised again and then replicate the feat of three long dead kings.

CORONAN :

The doomed city, join with Herodius the pessimistic in his lone attempt to stave off the massed hordes of the Hajj.

DEMONS VALE :

Destroy the besieging army and then defeat the three dragons, one of which is half demon. Auguries reveal "Those who survive will be rich". The dungeons run with gold.

UGROD :

Join in the sacking of the Kazlonian city, treasure and wealth for all. The centuries of wealth that Kazlonia has gained will be redistributed.

SEARCH FOR VALOR:

Valor was a flaming sword, an artifact of Pandaria that was lost in the Glacial Rift, home of the Frost Giants.

DUKE VOUGLAS:

Find and destory Duke Vouglas, the vampiric minion of Lord Kaz.

SWORD OF FROST:

More powerful than the legendary three swords and yet lost for all time, or is it? Will this weapon turn the tide of War.

RESCUE PRINCE ANDRAY:

This charismatic man could raise a rebllion in the Nrth West against the Theocratic Empire. This would be a daring rescue from under the nose of King Lembair. Once he is found will Andray be himself, or will he have been corrupted by the Imperial inquisitors.

SEARCH THE GAZGAR EMPIRE :

Little is known of this massive country to the East, is it once more seeking to annex Pandaria or is it becoming more decadent and ripe for Invasion.

Trickster god seen through by Eye Tyrant.

Our reporters have revealed that a night time visitor to the Eye Tyrant was offering a special Trade opportunity. Apparantly Rokotaka offered the Eye Tyrant an exclusive range of clothes. Dozens of Troll skin cloaks were available to purchase at exclusive prices. These cloaks offered several magical advantages and were made available suddenly as the previous owners, within the Zishian navy had found them dispensible.

It is though that the Eye Tyrant was less than impressed as the cloaks did not have the requisite number of sleeves, only four. He apparentlt telepported them away in anger and Rokotaka was last seen tring to scry where they had been hidden.

The Zishian's have recently recruited some odd looking human soldiers whose recuperative powers are renowned already. It seems that during practice, they actually do kill each other, merely waiting for time to heal the wounds so inflicted.

Thardic noble stabs himself at ceremony.

The representative that Grazikus sent to pick up his award stabs himself in the thigh whilst approaching the Dais.

977 Oscars

Many nation rulers fell or were injured during the year sometimes upon the cusp of victory and sometimes to bring resounding defeat to their forces.

Most Ignominious Death

Varmok, like his unlife that was cut short, his acceptance speech only confirmed the situation.

"Damn swamp, couldn't move, didn't think they would have the range, and they would be able to hit me at that dist..."

Most Spectacular death

King Kand XXIII's evisceration by a sea monster must rank amongst the most colourful of the recent death amongst the known rulers.

Worst Prediction

Grazikus Soria said at the beginning of the year "Soon the heroic legions of our Thardic Republican Army will liberate the city of Coranan", fortunately the city has not yet fallen, Caer Coronan has yet to fall. No doubt Grazikus will renew his prophecy this year.

Editor : Steve Brooks Honorary Publisher : Raedil, Warlord of Quendor, Liberator of Denaria